New short film script.

[deanl]

oops oops oops

[Kev Owens]

Some very nice dialogue there, mostly naturalistic but perhaps when said out loud just a little overboard on the swearing. Some quite funny stuff there.

Nice idea with suicide; I'm glad that you challenged the theme rather than let it control you.

I would say that perhaps you could achieve what you want to from this without it being as long. Maybes you could try to cut some of the fat from it, I reckon this is an ok 10 min short, but a good 5 min one...

Plus, there's no reason when you're finished not to send this to Nigel for the comp. And answering a question you asked before about the deadline- sometimes people don't come on here for weeks, so it gives them a chance to join. Good luck.

[emjen]

another thing: its basically just lots of dialogue which doesnt have anything to do with the ending. It don't matter whut they talk bout! That's why it becomes rather boring, because they're just sitting, whining and talking. Fun first minute. Boring last minute.

THe problem is not the dialogue, thats pretty good. It's the things around it which make the dialogues seem boring. Doesn't go anywhere.

Work on it! Chop chop now.

[deanl]

Hey there.

I think we're going to make this somewhere in Manchester at the end of May. Any actors around here intrested?

Despin out.

[Vlad the Impaler]

hi, i'm in liverpool so if u need any help on the day I could possibly help. I couldn't act for you as I don't fit in those roles really [img]smile.gif[/img] Possibly steven's but i'm not sure. If you're really desperate for actors I could ask my mate who I think would fit into the role of christopher. But i'm willing to help with any basic roles of the crew if u need it [img]redface.gif[/img] (however I can't do saturdays :/)

[deanl]

Hey there.

Well I wrote it for the comp... But I assumed It couldn't be used in the comp because I posted it on the forum and asked people what they thought.

Despin out.

[Kev Owens]

Nice to hear that this is gonna get made, but I wanted to know if you still wanted to submit this to the forum script comp, or perhaps the 3 page one?

[Kev Owens]

Nah, the scripts will be anonymous until after voting, but if you're not arsed about concealing your identity then please post it to Nigel.

[deanl]

Hey there.

"Nice to hear that this is gonna get made"

You spoke too soon....

A word of advice... Never plan a shoot in Manchester on the day of the FA CUP final. Especially when Manchester United are in said final.

Despin out.